Why smart devices outlast the relationship
A smart lock, a video doorbell, or a thermostat doesn’t know a relationship has ended. It only knows who’s logged into the account that controls it. If your ex set up the router, the Nest, or the Ring, they may still see who comes and goes, change the temperature, or unlock the door from anywhere, long after moving out. NNEDV’s Safety Net Project has documented this pattern for years: connected devices “can be misused by abusive individuals” to monitor a home remotely or control its heat, alarms, locks, and lights.
This isn’t theoretical. A peer-reviewed analysis of 13 consumer IoT devices found this pattern repeatedly: products “used to abuse, harass, monitor, intimidate, and gaslight victim-survivors” of domestic and family violence (Violence Against Women, 2025).
If you’re currently living with the person who may still have access, read Safety first: before you remove anything before changing any settings below. Locking someone out can be the right move — but it can also signal you’re planning to leave. NNEDV is direct about this risk: some people may escalate abusive behavior when devices or accounts are secured, or monitoring is cut off (techsafety.org).
Whoever administers the account controls the device — not whoever lives in the house. A doorbell camera doesn’t care whose name is on the lease. If your ex is the “admin” on the Ring, Google Home, Amazon Household, or Apple Home account, they can often still view footage, get notifications, or change settings after moving out, unless explicitly removed. The same goes for your Wi-Fi router: whoever knows the admin password can typically see the devices connected to the network and, on many routers, change nearly everything about it. Your first job isn’t inspecting each gadget — it’s figuring out who administers each account behind it.
Make a list before you touch anything
Before removing access, take stock. NNEDV’s guide recommends listing every connected device and noting who set each one up, since “if an abusive person added these things to your home, even if they don’t live there now, they may have set up the accounts so they can monitor or control the devices remotely” (techsafety.org).
- Walk the house. Cameras, doorbells, thermostats, smart plugs, locks, speakers, and some TVs and appliances are common candidates — though not everything controllable by app or voice connects directly to the internet; some run over Bluetooth or through a local hub instead.
- Check the router’s device list, if you can log in. It’s one way to see devices connected to your network, and MAC addresses can help identify what each one is (techsafety.org).
- Note what each device logs, since activity history, audio, or video is what techsafety.org’s evidence-collection guidance flags as worth preserving first (techsafety.org: IoT evidence collection).
Screenshots and notes on unexplained password changes are gone once you reset a device. If this could matter later, see Documenting it and getting help first.
Removing access, platform by platform
Here’s how the major ecosystems let you remove someone, per each company’s current support pages.
Apple Home. Open the Home app, tap the “…” menu, choose Home Settings, then under People select the person and tap Remove Person. Apple notes a gap: this doesn’t guarantee they lose control of every accessory. If they have a separate manufacturer app for a device, remove access there too, or contact that manufacturer (Apple Support).
Google Home / Nest. Tap your profile icon, go to Home settings, tap the person’s profile icon, then Remove this person. Only an Admin can do this. Google states plainly that the person is notified they’ve been removed from the home — so this is not a quiet action, and it’s worth thinking through safety first if that matters in your situation. Google also warns removal can delete shared video history or affect a Nest Hub Max if that person migrated devices to their account, and that if you’re the last member of a home, leaving deletes all its data, including video history and thermostat settings (Google Home Help). Save footage you need first.
Ring. Go to the menu → Device Settings → Shared Access, select the person, and tap Remove User — or toggle off access to specific cameras instead. If you suspect broader compromise, sign out of every connected phone and tablet via Control Center → Authorized Client Devices → Remove All Devices, or change your Ring password, which signs the app out everywhere except linked Alexa devices (Ring Support).
Amazon Alexa / Household. A primary account holder can remove a household member from Manage Your Household, which stops that person’s access to shared benefits and content (Amazon Prime Help). Amazon’s own description of Household confirms an adult who leaves (or is removed from) a Household can’t join a different one for 180 days (About Amazon). If you suspect broader compromise of a specific Echo or Alexa device, Amazon lets you deregister that device individually from Manage Your Content and Devices, which removes it from your account until it’s registered again (Amazon Help).
Secure the router — it controls everything else
Even after cleaning up device accounts, the router is the backbone. Whoever knows the Wi-Fi admin password can see connected devices and often change network settings. The FTC recommends changing the default administrative username and password to something unique — not your name, address, or router brand — and turning off remote management, WPS, and UPnP, since those convenience features “can make your network less secure” (FTC Consumer Advice). Search “[your router brand] change admin password” for exact menus.
If you find a device on your network you don’t recognize, techsafety.org’s guidance is to disconnect it through the router’s dashboard, then change the Wi-Fi password so it can’t silently reconnect — while noting the other person may realize the change was made (techsafety.org).
If you can’t get access, or it isn’t safe to try
Sometimes you can’t get administrator rights — an ex won’t cooperate, or a joint account needs their agreement. If you can’t regain control and a device feels unsafe to keep running, techsafety.org’s advice is direct: unplug it, or remove it altogether (techsafety.org). Do this only after thinking through safety, since some devices have battery or cellular backup and can still send alerts even when unplugged from power.
For what a specific device model can and can’t do, check the IoT Privacy database. If this connects to a phone you also suspect is monitored, Is someone tracking my phone? covers that related question.